How to Pick the Right Toy (and Tools) for YOU

By: Nicole Finn 

 

Let’s be real.

 

If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering why your partner doesn’t want sex anymore, why they’ve stopped initiating, or worse — why you don’t want it, don’t care, or don’t even miss it… you’re not crazy, broken, or unlovable. You’re human. And probably exhausted.

 

You’re probably just a woman carrying way too much on her plate — and not enough on her body that makes her feel sexy. Stress, long to-do lists, kids, routine, hormones, mental load, all libido killers! As such is life, Libido Killers don’t always come with warning signs.

 

Instead of spiraling in the “why won’t they?” cycle, let’s flip the script.

So instead of chasing intimacy, it’s time to create it.
And one of the most powerful tools in your intimacy toolbox?
The right toy.

 

Because truthfully?
You don’t have to wait for desire to show up.
You create it.

But here’s the problem:
Most women have no idea where to start — or they think vibrators are just for “when you're desperate.”
Spoiler alert: they’re not. They’re for when you’re ready to reconnect with your own damn pleasure.

And it starts with choosing the right tools to feel sexy, confident, and in charge of your pleasure — whether you're partnered, flying solo, or figuring it out post-baby, post-burnout, or mid-laundry.

🔥 Start With You

Forget what they like for a sec.
This is about what you want.
Ask yourself:
• Want to feel sexy again in your own damn body?
• Want more sensation during sex — with or without a partner?
• Tired of sex feeling like another chore on your to-do list?
• Is stress, low desire, or life in general killing your mood?
• Do you want something small + discreet or strong + versatile?

Be honest. Your body misses you. The right toy (or lube, or lingerie) should meet your needs — not some filtered version of what intimacy “should” look like.

 

✨ Start With the Essentials (AKA No-Pressure Pleasure)

If you’re new to this — or you’ve been out of the game for a while — keep it simple:

• A pH-balanced lubricant: Your vagina deserves balance, glide, and zero irritation. This isn’t just for dryness — it makes every kind of touch feel better.
• An enhancement cream: Just a dab increases blood flow to your clitoris, heightens sensation, and turns the volume up on pleasure. (This is foreplay’s secret weapon.)
• A small, quiet vibrator: Bullet or fingertip-style. Something you can use externally with zero intimidation. Great for solo time and partner play.

This combo? Total libido reboot.
You're not forcing sex. You’re inviting your body to remember.

👙 Wear the Damn Lingerie (Yes, Even Under Sweatpants)

Newsflash:
Lingerie isn’t about “being seen.” It’s about how you feel.

• Slip on a lace bralette under your hoodie.
• Rock those cheeky panties while you do dishes.
• Toss a sexy chemise under your errands outfit and keep that secret to yourself.

Lingerie mixed into everyday wear changes your energy.
You carry yourself different when you know you’ve got something spicy underneath.
It’s a silent, sexy reminder: I’m still here, and I’m still hot.

👀 Think Beyond the Bedroom

Toys aren’t just for naked time.
Want to build anticipation all day?
Try a remote-controlled vibe for long-distance play, teasing during dinner, or spicing up date night without the pressure of “going all the way.”
Remember: intimacy isn’t just about sex. It’s about play, trust, and curiosity.

Stop Waiting for Desire to "Come Back"

Here’s the truth no one tells you:
Desire doesn’t magically show up. You have to build it.
Your body might need help remembering what pleasure even feels like — especially after kids, burnout, or hormonal shifts.
A vibrator is not a replacement for connection. It’s a tool to help create it.
And when you feel good, relaxed, and turned on?
Everything else follows.

Final Thought

Stop chasing answers from someone else.
Start creating energy inside you.

You don’t need to be "in the mood" to start.
You just need to start.

When you feel sexy, supported, and stimulated — mentally and physically — intimacy stops being a question and becomes a yes on your terms.